Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
