I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
