Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and she was petting her beer can
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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