he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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