i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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