I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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