meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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