It's like God shit irony all over that family
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
