Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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