if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
