your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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