the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
