I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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