FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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