I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
