Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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