she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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