Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
