I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
