The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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