Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
