it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i think i just lost a toe
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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