oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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