He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
