dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
