You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
