How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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