It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
