OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
