he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
