Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
