So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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