Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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