I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
