is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
