Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
