Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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