That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
