I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
