i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
