I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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