Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
