you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
