Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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