ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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