I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
