so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
