Small penises have feelings too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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