thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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