YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
