I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
