Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
