Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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