at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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