You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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