i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
