He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
