nut hugger
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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