Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
