I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
