We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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