I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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